BY DERRICK PLUNK
Men, it’s true. Women want us to become better men and they want to help us.
It has taken me a year in this practice to realize and accept this. I used to take adjustments and be thinking, “Oh I fucked up and did something wrong, the woman didn’t like what I was doing and now she is never going to OM with me again.” All these thoughts and feelings of shame, depression, and inadequacy would be coursing through my body. Then I would do one of two things: 1) Get mad at the woman for putting these thoughts in my head or causing me to have these feelings. Who does she think she is? What a bitch. Or 2) Withdraw, disconnect, and run away from the woman and secretly resent her and feel like she owed me an apology for hurting my feelings and my ego.
After a year, I now I love getting adjustments from women during OMs or in life general now. It feels so good to hear the adjustment, make the adjustment, and feel the sensation increase in our OM. All because I decided to drop the ego and hear the stroke.
Here’s a life example: I was debating what type of shirt to wear for a presentation I was giving the next day and though I was dead set on wearing a specific one, I asked the women I live with for their opinion. One of them was strongly opposed to my shirt and wanted me to try on a black one instead. I resisted at first, and finally decided to try it on. All of the women in the house loved it, and the women at my presentation did too. I got compliments on my outfit the next day from men and women both. It felt so good to hear all those compliments, and that wouldn’t have happened if I had ignored my housemate’s adjustment. I’m not saying that I am completely cured: there are times when I still resist and my pride gets hurt, and that is where I get to decide how I want to handle myself.
I can say with confidence now that I have never felt more manly in my life. I used to think only men could teach me how to be a better man, and now I am a firm believer that I can learn how to be a better man from both men andwomen. My definition of a complete man has changed as well. I used to believe that a strong man was one who was stoic, efficient, and didn’t have feelings or emotions. Now I believe a complete man is a man who knows what he wants, feels his own feelings and emotions, learns from mistakes, and takes feedback from others.Fellow men, if you don’t read anything else read this paragraph: if a woman gives you an adjustment during an OM, during a make out, or in life, hear it and take it in. You have nothing to lose by trying it, and you have everything to gain.
(Photo Credit: Oli McAvoy)